Saturday, January 10, 2009

Friday, January 9, 2009

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Learning To Walk With One Foot In Front Of The Other!

The previous post was just a way for me to express my feelings during my early teen years. After "coming out" to Mom I was sort of timid to dress in front of her. One night at the dinner table on a rare evening at home for her she said she was looking forward to an evening at home with her daughters. My jaw dropped. My sister giggled. Mom said it would be fun to get in our nighties and relax with an old movie. After cleaning up we were instructed to take a bath and meet in the family room.
I was excited and kinda nervous. What would we do? As I was filling the tub my sister came in a dumped some of her lilac bubble bath in the water. She just smiled and said "Rita, this is going to be fun". After a nice soak I slipped into the nightie she supplied me feeling like a sweet smelling princess. As I was passing by her room she beckoned me in to let me slip into the matching peignoir that went with the nightie. She also tied a thin scarf around my hair to hold it off my face. She added just a hint of blush to my cheeks. Before leaving the room she opened up a small container of pills and popped one in her mouth. I asked what that was all about and she told me she'd been on the pill since she started getting her period. She said it helped to regulate her cycle. I had no idea what she was talking about. We made our way to the family room where my Mom was giving herself a pedicure. She rarely did her finger nails because I guess it wasn't allowed in her line of work. She looked up and smiled as we entered. "Oh, Rita honey you look adorable!", she said. I guess I never mentioned that was sister's name is Denise? Sorry about that. I blushed at that statement but said quietly "Thank you, Mommy." Mommy? I never called her Mommy. She just smiled at that and told us we were both getting pedicures that night. Denise was used to that but for me it would be a big treat! When it was my turn I was asked to select a shade for my toes. I chose a vivid red color. Mommy said it was a color for older girls. Denise jumped in and told her, "Oh, Rita thinks she's a big girl already, she want to wear heels." I gave her such a look! But it was true. I'd been dying to try a pair of her heels but just didn't get around to it. Anyway, after my toes were painted a shiny red we settled in to watch a movie. The movie was "Now, Voyager" with Bette Davis. I loved it! During a break my Mother asked Denise if she remembered to take her pill. She said she had and I asked what was all this stuff about pills? They looked at each other and tried to explain about girls getting their periods and stuff. I asked if I would get one too. They just laughed. I knew a bit about girls getting older and filling out just from being around Denise but I was just so naive on allot of points. They explained about the pills containing estrogen and the effects on the body. I asked what would happen if I took them too and was told probably nothing. Denise said she thought they were helping her breasts to grow. I filed that information away until I could learn more.

That night I was given "the talk" as my mother referred to it. Nothing heavy, just the basics about the differences between the sexes. Denise insisted that she polish my finger nails as well. "Is it okay, Mommy"? , I asked. She said sure, honey. They looked pretty but I wished that they were as long as Denise's nails. In time, I thought.

We had many nights like that when Mommy was home. I was really getting comfortable with being around them while in various pretty outfits. On Christmas that year Rita received some very girly gifts such as her own panties, nighties, hair care products and one very special gift....a pair of high heels!!! They were only 2 inches but I loved them. With a pair of pantyhose I practiced every night I could. I couldn't wait until I could handle shoes with a much higher heel!

To the outside world I was all boy but at home I was rapidly becoming a young lady. If my buddy Danny ever suspected anything at this point he never let on but I think as we got older he treated me a little differently. He never questioned why we never played in my room anymore. He'd be sure to see something that would have tipped him off. He also never questioned why my hair had grown to just past shoulder length. I usually kept it in a ponytail but it was always cleaned and conditioned. He might have picked up the subtle fragrance of lilac from my bath gels. (I couldn't part with bubble baths!) When I turned 14 Denise, with Mommy's permission pierced both of my ears. I wore small gold studs on the outside but had a nice collection of pretty earrings to wear when Rita came out to play.

Denise was well stocked with her pills so I talked her into letting me take them to. She said okay, but we better not tell Mom. She was in a steady relationship at this point and I would often be left on my own at night with Mommy at work and all. At 14 I was already well into adolescence and quite curious about my body. When the first signs of hair on my legs started I just instinctively began shaving them, same for any other hair below my eyebrows, which I also began to "shape" to my liking. I was ready to start dressing like the "big" girl I knew I was.

I just wasn't prepared for the consequences.

What My Teen Years Were Like!

Through The Looking Glass

Our dress up games became almost a daily ritual. As soon as Mom was out of the house my sister would find something pretty for me to change into. Once dressed in a frilly little outfit I was the happiest little girl in the world. I was tutored on all things feminine. Things like sitting correctly in a dress, body movement and speech. I never knew that girls talked differently then boys. I soaked it all in. Walking wasn't that important at this point as I had yet to graduate to wearing high heels, but that would come. One of my favorite things to do was to sit in front of her vanity and apply my lipstick. When my lips were a pouty red I was in heaven! Of course it wasn't all fun and games. We had a list of chores we were responsible for. It made it more bearable for me to be able to do them in a pretty dress. We talked a lot about me being Rita. At this point I had no idea that there were other boys who wanted to dress like girls. A revelation of sorts happened when we stumbled upon a book that my mother had called "Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex." We were both curious, especially my sister who was in the midst of budding adolescence. It was then we both learned what a transvestite was. I thought it was a weird sounding word but I liked it. I guess I was a transvestite but I felt like much more. I mean the clothes and makeup are great but there is a certain mindset that's just hard to put into words. Oh well!

If my Mom ever suspected what we were up to she didn't show any sign of it. We were feeling some guilt for being sneaky about Rita. Should we tell Mom? What if she freaked out and forbid me to wear pretty things? We had to figure out a way to bring Rita out in the open, at least to Mom. Should I just appear to her in a dress and try to pass it off as a joke? I didn't care for that idea. My sister came up with the idea of using Halloween as an excuse. That seemed perfect to me. Everyone dressed up on Halloween, right? I asked if I could wear the communion dress again as I was just about outgrowing it. She didn't want to take a chance on it getting ruined so that was ruled out. She came up with the idea that instead of just dressing like a girl I could dress as a girl's character. This way it would be like I was a real girl dressing for Halloween! Great idea but which character. We had to improvise from her closets. I always loved Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz so i thought we could try that. The problem was that the only wig we had at that time was a shoulder length blond number that I had been wearing at the time. (My hair just wasn't long enough at yet.) We made a list of "blondies" and settled on Alice, the one from Wonderland. It worked out because she had a blue dress that was similar in style to the one that Alice wore. We had a plan!

Halloween fell on a Saturday that year and Mom would be off from work. As the day approached we knew we had to be sneaky about what we were going to do. I had to pretend to be indecisive about what costume I was going to wear that year and my sister said, with a fake tone of impatience, that she would have to make the decision for me. Early that day my Mom went out to do the food shopping for the week and we got Alice (really Rita) ready for her debut. Panties, frilly ankle socks, lacy Cammi top, pretty blue dress, my crinoline (yes it was mine now) and white Maryjane's with a bit of a heel, long blond wig with a pretty bow and of course a bit of makeup. I loved it but I was feeling very anxious. Did we overdo it? There was no backing out. When Mom came home I remained in my sister's room so she could "set the stage" for my debut. When she called for me to come down I was practically shaking in my Maryjane's. As I walked into the kitchen (with my eyes on the floor) my sister yelled out "Surprise! Doesn't he look so cute"? I looked up at Mom. She had a little smirk on her face and asked me if this was my choice for a costume. I wanted to say it was my sister's idea and I just went along with it. But I didn't say that. I just looked at her and simply said "yes". She just looked back at me and simply said "okay". My sister was all smiles and giggles. It was infectious and pretty soon we were all giggling like school girls. My mother asked if I was sure I wanted to go out like that and I said yes I was. She looked at my sister and said "well, at least do his nails". She then mumbled something under her breath and left the room.
After my nails dried we hit the streets. What a revelation! My first time out in a dress, as a girl. Breathing fresh air! The feeling was exquisite. Sure, I was nervous! We rang some bells, got some candy but who cared about candy. After about an hour it dawned on us that nobody, not one of our neighbors recognized me. Then someone did. My buddy Danny. When he saw my sister he came over to us. He looked at me and began to laugh. "Is that really you"? My sister jumped in to say it was all her idea, a kind of a dare. He just told me I had a lot of guts. I just smiled. I didn't care for the fact that he laughed though. Nobody else laughed and I thought I looked pretty good, with the emphasis on "pretty". We said we'd all hook up at the annual party at the local VFW hall that night. So, walking on a cloud, we went home for dinner.
Mom was busy in the kitchen when we came in. She told us to wash up and help her with the meal. She often had us help with the food so we can learn to do more on our own since she worked such long hours at the hospital. She had me put on an apron so "you don't dirty your dress." She said it smiling though but I was getting odd looks from her. Maybe more curious looks. Over dinner we discussed how the day had gone so far and we related the fact that no one (except Danny) recognized me. Mom said how could they have recognized me looking like a real girl. She had me blushing but I felt a glow all over. She asked me point blank if this was the first time I had worn a dress. I just looked at my sister and she looked back at me with guilty expressions on our faces. Mom said, "just as I thought." We then told her all about the way it happened. She just listened. She was a bit tickled that I chose the name Rita. She told me if I had been born a girl that would have been my name anyway. Then she layed down the law with us.
1) Never, ever try to deceive me again!
2) I could dress, but only in the house.
3) If my grades in school slipped then she'd take that privilege away.
4) I would be responsible for more household chores. (That made my sister happy!)
5) When dressed in my boy things I was expected to act like a boy.
I could live with those rules. After thank you's and love you's and after the dishes my sister and I freshened our makeup and headed for the party. It felt strange fixing my lipstick that first time in front of my Mom. The party was no big deal. There were actually two other guys there dressed as girls. One was ugly, he made no effort at all but another guy, although not passable, looked pretty good. He was decked out kind of retro as I remember he had a mink stole. What got me though was he was wearing shoes with a fairly high heel. I was impressed. And I was envious.
Danny was there and we hung out for a bit. He just kept on smiling at me telling me I had guts. Little did he know. We left at about nine for home and all I talked about was high heels. My sister kept telling me I was too young for high heels. She had only gotten her first pair at age 16. I wondered if they'd fit me? When we got home Mom was already in bed as she had a very early shift the next day. I took of my dress and things and washed my makeup off like a good girl. We couldn't find any nail polish remover so I left them alone. When I went into my room I noticed something lying on the bed. It was one of my sister's old nighties. It was a babydoll in a soft peach color. On it was a note that simply said "For my new daughter." I was excepted.

Monday, January 5, 2009

She was bored!

My life as a girl began when I was just five years old. My sister, who is seven years older than me, was often given the task of babysitting. My mom is an emergency room nurse and often worked overnight leaving me in the care of my sister. We were and still are very close. She took good care of me and we often played games or watched TV together.

One day in the early spring it was to nasty to go out so we were trapped int he house with nothing to do. Tired of playing the same old games and with nothing on TV we were both bored out of our minds. She decided to straighten out her closets and asked for my help. Let me explain that she had quite a passion for clothes, as many young adolescent girls do, so there was lots to sort out. She pulled out a short garment bag and opened it up revealing her white lacy communion dress. She oo'd and ah'd as she held it up telling me how much she loved wearing the dress and how unfortunate that she couldn't do anything with it anymore.

She jokingly held it up to my small frame and said she thought it would fit me perfectly! Then she said that I must try it on. I didn't think anything much about it but I said okay, why not. She then had me take of my clothes and proceeded to dress me in her dress. After I had the dress on she was a little disappointed and said that it just didn't hang correctly. She rummaged through the closet again and came out with a full crinoline to wear under the dress. We started from scratch this time. I was given a pair of white lacy panties and a matching Cammie top to wear. I stepped into the full white crinoline and it was pulled up to my waist. I was then once again slipped into the dress. I still didn't think any of this was a big deal but with the addition of the crinoline I was beginning to feel different.

She remembered a pearl necklace that she was given as a communion gift from our Aunt Rita and fixed it around my neck. I also was given a pair of frilly white socks and the white patent Maryjane's that competed the outfit. She fussed with my hair a bit to give some curl. She was having so much fun by this time and I guess I was too. We were all giggly as she led me over to a mirror to see myself in her dress. She still wasn't satisfied. She left her room for a minute and returned with a little bag. She proceeded to brush on some light blue eyeshadow to my lids and some light pink blush on my cheeks. Then came the moment that changed my life forever. She took out a tube of lipstick and applied it to my lips. I was mesmerized and remember my breathing became a little more heavy. It was a vivid shade of red and i was transfixed by what I saw in the mirror. I adored it! I saw myself as a girl for the first time and I fell in love with it.
She loved it too! She said from now on she had a little sister to play with and dress up with. She said my name could be Rita, named after our favorite aunt. I spent the rest of the day in that dress and every time we could would find me dressed in one of her outgrown outfits. She taught me many things in those early years and by the time I was ten or so i could polish my own nails, put on my own makeup and fix my hair in a feminine style.
Who would have thought that a single tube of lipstick could so drastically change the course of my life? By the way, the lipstick was Revlon Certainly Red. It is still my signature shade to this very day!
In all other ways, on the outside world, I was just a typical boy with many shared interests amongst my friends. Particularly my closest friend, Danny. We were neighbors and the same age. He will figure more in future posts. On my next blog I will try to recount the teen years where I went from little girl to blossoming womanhood. I hope you enjoyed this and would love to hear from girls with similar experiences.