Thursday, April 2, 2009

What Am I Being Sorry For?!

I returned to the daily routine of school and work. Almost half way through my senior year of high school I had come to the decision that upon graduation I would live full time as a woman. In order to do this successfully I'd have to bring my guidance councilor into the loop, so to speak. Miss Evans had been my councilor since freshman year and was always very sweet to me. We had already had a discussion on what my plans were for after graduation and she was fully supportive as she had a younger sister who had just completed her training at the Culinary Institute of America, the CIA for short. I was given information on that school plus several others in New York City and Philadelphia. I made an appointment to meet with her the second day back in school. As my last period class neared it's end I was full of nervous energy. How was I going to approach this? I decided that I'd be direct. After all, I already had the full support of my family. As I walked to her office I observed the other students heading home or to after school jobs. I wondered what they're lives were like and what was really "normal." Since my blossoming womanhood, which certainly accelerated this year, I'd pretty much kept low key around school. I tried to just be "me" but being "me" was taking a slightly, if not delightful, turn towards the feminine. It didn't matter to me if I had lots of friends among them. I had friends. And a lover. In a way I felt sorry for them. Oh, well!

When Miss Evans asked me what was on my mind I just sat quiet for a second. "It's about culinary school, Miss Evans", I stated. "Have you come to a decision on which school you'd like to apply for?", she asked. "Not yet but it's more about the way I'd be attending.", I answered. "Miss Evans,.....I'm...uh...trans...transgendered and after I leave this school I intend to live full time as a girl." I didn't give her time to react but just continued. "I have the full support of my family and friends and I know this is a decision I have to make". There, I said it. I layed it all out. She sat silently for a few second just staring at me. I heard a short sigh and then she said, "Are you seeing a doctor?" I told her that, yes, I was and that I was on an estrogen regiment. "If you notice I always wear loose fitting tops to school because my breasts are already developing." She just nodded. Apparently she was only interested in the fact I was transgendered and not my "personal" growth. She was, after all, a professional. She assured me that all this would be taken into consideration and she would help me with all the application processes. "I would like a note from you mother and doctor confirming this information for my files. Will that be a problem"? I assured her it would not be. She again looked me over and smiled. "This was a pretty boring day up until now", she laughed. I laughed too and said the same went for me as well. "What should I call you now?", she asked. "My name is Rita and has been for as long as I can remember.", I replied. Okay,'ve always been a great student and that is always my main concern so I respect your choice and will help you as I always would have regardless." I thanked her and got up to leave. "One more thing", she said. She opened up a drawer in her desk and handed me a pamphlet. I looked at the title. "Transgender Rights". She explained that this was merely an overview and I'd be best served finding and reading the entire book. I thanked her again and assured her I certainly would do just that. "Oh, and Rita, don't forget those notes"! I smiled at her and left. Whewww...another weight lifted from my shoulders!

I had and hour before reporting to work at the library. I was excited because Monica was working that night. I wanted to pump her for information on the mystery boy she'd been seeing.

I went home and had a quick cup of tea with Mom then went up to my room to change. I stripped off my school clothes and stood in front of my mirror. I was thinking about my breasts since I left Miss Evans office. They really were getting harder to hide. I hated the thought that I even had to hide them. "Not for much longer", I thought. I looked around at my bedroom. It was femininely appointed. It used to be Denise's room but she gave it to me when she moved out. My old room is now a guest room. I hardly ever enter it. Just to dust and vacuum. I looked at my bed. "My husband and I make love on that bed", I again thought. I came to a decision. I opened up my lingerie drawer and removed a pair of bright red boy cut panties and a matching bra with underwire support and some extra padding. After putting these on I selected a cowl neck sweater in a cranberry shade. It was a long cut sweater and as I adjusted it I thought it would look cute as a short dress. I slipped on a pair of black slacks and slipped my feet into a pair of women's loafers with a slight heel. I found a belt to compliment my thin waist. I pulled my hair back and secured it with a scrunchy to match my sweater. I changed my ear studs for a pair of hoops with a single pearl on them. I applied a light layer of foundation and some subtle blush. Some light beige eyeshadow and a gentle mascara application followed giving my eyes a wide open expression. I glossed my lips in a rose color and spritzed on some L'Air Du Temps. I gazed at my reflection and was quite happy with the results. Young attractive woman on her way to work. My breasts were prominent! I knew I was taking a big risk but once I got the ball rolling there was no turning back. There were certain aspects of my life I thought I could change to suit me and my job at the library was one of them. For the past two months or so Monica and I always wound up in the ladies room at closing to fem me up a bit. Well, I decided that tonight there would be no need for that. I packed a purse with all the essentials and headed off.

When I got there I clocked in and went to the circulation desk. There were a pile of new titles waiting to be to be entered in the database so I just dug in. As I was typing I wished I still had on the nail extensions from a few nights ago. (My wedding night!) I heard someone behind me say "Excuse me Miss, can I help you with something?" I turned to see Andrea, one of the assistant librarians, with a puzzled look on her face. No, Andrea, it's just me", I said, giving her my "boys" name. "Why are you dressed like that, are you wearing makeup"? "Oh", I replied, "did I overdo it"? She just stared at me and said that we needed to talk in her office. I grabbed my purse and followed her. Just then I saw Monica come in. When she saw me her eyes got as big as saucers. I smiled and gave her a girly wave as I entered Andrea's office. Andrea looked at me sternly and asked me what was going on. I explained all about my transition and my support system both at home and now in school as well. "You could have warned me, you know!", she said. She was right. I was on such a pink cloud when I left school that it was like I was on automatic pilot. "I'm really sorry, should I leave?", I asked. She thought for a minute and said I could finish out my shift but that she had to check wit the head librarian in the morning about procedure. I thanked her and again apologized. As I was leaving she asked me where I got my sweater. "Saks", I told her.

When I returned Monica had taken over where I left off. "Well, well, well, somebody took an overdose of estrogen tonight, didn't they?", she said not looking up at me. I put my hands on her shoulders and bent down to whisper in her ear. "You like?" "I love , honey!", she giggled. We finished out the shift. I occasionally got curious glances from Andrea. Before she left she took me aside. "Listen, I personally think you look terrific and I don't have a problem with this. I just don't know what others will think. The library board will have to let me know what to do, what the legalities are and such." I apologized for putting her in an awkward position and that I would abide by any decision they made. Later as Monica and I were fixing our faces in the ladies room I relayed what had happened that day with my councilor and at work. "Do you think I'll be let go?", I asked. "Maybe", she said,"but lots of places are looking for help this time of year. And if they fire you I'm gone too." I hugged her and softly kissed her lips. "Where would I be with out you, Monica"? "Not in the ladies room fixing your lipstick that's for sure, sweetie"!

As I drove her home I pressed her for information about Stephan, her new boyfriend. "I wouldn't exactly call him a boyfriend he's more like a..." "A project"., I finished for her. She gave me one of her patented sly smiles. "You make it sound so clinical.", she laughed. "Then Laura and I were right, you are feminizing him, aren't you"? Giving me a rather stern look she said, "Look, I don't pass any judgement on you two sissies, do I?" After a brief silence I told her I was sorry for upsetting her. She looked at me and smiled. "How many times did you tell someone you were sorry today, Rita?" I thought about it. "A lot , I guess." "Why?", she pressed me. "I don't know, I guess I felt I needed to." She continued. "People only need to say they are sorry if they did something wrong. What did you do wrong, besides coming to work dressed like a model out of Teen Cosmo?", she said. She was right, of course. Why was I the one always saying "sorry". All my life I've tried to bring people pleasure and happiness with my personality, my cooking skills and, yes, even my body. What do I really have to be sorry for? I have a loving family, great friends and a wonderful man who loves me. They all have accepted me unconditionally. I'm blessed with good health, a good brain and a giving personality. It was never a choice for me not to grow up feminine. I was given a hand to play and I'm playing it to the best of my ability. "You're right.", I told her, I should be thankful for what I have. I think my body and mind are still adjusting to the new hormones. I get emotional sometimes and don't think correctly. Like tonight, dressing like this. I was just on such a girlish high after school. I'm sorry..." Monica cut me off. "No!", she said, wagging her finger at me. I just smiled and blushed.

We continued our discussion about Stephan. Monica had met him in an art class and they became friendly. "He's a sweet guy but he has some identity issues and he confided in me". I understood that all to well. Monica was easy to confide in. "We would meet once in a while for a drink and talk. He seemed to have a feminine streak in him like the one I saw in you, Rita. Only not as pronounced. Well, one night we found ourselves in bed together and during foreplay I asked him to wear my panties. He never said a word, he just put them on. Well without going into too much detail one thing led to another. He agreed to almost everything I asked him to do. He has no body hair below the eyebrows at this point. We've gone shopping and I've picked him out some really lovely things. Remember the shoe store last Sunday?" I nodded. "Well, those heels were for Stephanie." Stephanie! That's too perfect! I knew it!", I giggled. "When do we meet her?", I asked. Monica sat silently and said, "Maybe soon. There are some other things to work out. Certain fantasy scenarios". I got the feeling I needed to back off a bit so I just said okay. Again I asked her if she thought I'd be let go from the library. "I don't see why, you didn't kill anybody and besides you look so damn cute tonight!", she laughed. "Why do you think I was running to the ladies room every ten minutes tonight?", she asked. I just shrugged my shoulders. My panties were soaked I was so turned on by you being so girly and bold!", she said. "Wow", I thought, she really gets off on this stuff"! She pulled me into an embrace and we made out hot and heavy for a bit. "She's such a feminine force, this woman", I thought. "Like the tide, you just can't resist." After we had composed ourselves a bit she told me not to worry about a job. "My father has interests in several restaurants in the area. We can always get a waitress gig if we need one. The money's better too"! I looked at her dumbstruck. "Waitress", I gasped. "Sure I've done it before. So has Laura"."Really"? The idea of restaurant work intrigued me to no end. Maybe if I wasn't let go I'd leave anyway. It would solve two problems right off the bat. I would be able to work in total female mode and be exposed to life in a busy restaurant! I made another quick decision. "Let's just do it. You and me", I said. "Really, you want to"? "No doubt in my mind, let's not even think about it let's just do it"! "Okay, done. I'll ask my father."

I drove home on another pink cloud. My mind was awash with ideas. From this time forward I was a "boy" (what a laugh!) only during school hours. Upon graduation this "boy" would disappear with a good cover story. The army? Maybe. I'd have to convince my Mom that it would be in our best interests if her "niece" Rita moved in to attend culinary school in Manhattan. I would alter my appearance so no one would be the wiser. The thought of being a summer blonde suddenly seemed a real reality if not a necessity. I would have to make this work. I spoke to Danny later that night before bed and filled him in. He had his doubts but seemed excited by the prospects. We'd be able to openly date. I told him to leave everything to me. After professing my undying love we hung up. I was too excited to sleep. I drew a nice hot bath and poured myself a small brandy. Soaking in the tube I lit a much needed Virgina Slim and ran through all my thoughts. I noted my breasts bobbing on top of the water. The image of a stacked blonde in a skimpy bikini came into my mind. I finished my cigarette and with the thought of Danny fucking that blonde I brought myself to a mind blowing orgasm. After powdering and douching I slipped into my favorite black lacy babydoll and, thinking about a cute waitress uniform, drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Decisions, Decisions!

Around 5AM I felt Danny slip out of bed and head to the shower. I wanted to join him in the worst way but I was totally exhausted. He sat on the edge of the bed and dressed. I propped myself up and just admired his body. I reached over and ran my nails down his back. He turned, smiled and wrapped me in his arms. "I hate to have to leave my beautiful bride so early but I have to be at work by 7 this morning. I'm actually pulling a double shift so I won't be home until after 9 tonight. I rolled over on top of him and planted my lips on his. "I love you", I whispered. He gave my right breast a gentle squeeze, kissed my neck and stood. "I'll call you at some point today, babe, but I think I'm going to be very busy. He turned to leave then came back to bed and held me tightly in his arms. "I feel like you really are my wife now, baby", he said. "Oh, darling, I know, I know", I sobbed. "We need a proper honeymoon....just you and me", he whispered. "I'll work on it, okay"? I just happily nodded. After he left I fell back to sleep with a huge smile on my face.

My phone interrupted my dreams. I hoped it was my husband. (I couldn't think of him in any other way now.) It was Laura. We chatted briefly and made plans for this evening. The three of us had previously planned to go out for Chinese food but Laura informed me that Monica wouldn't be joining us that night. Something about a last minute date. I thought that was odd and so did Laura. Saturday nights were supposed to be reserved for us girls. Oh well, Monica doesn't really play by the rules. I showered and douched, got dressed and went down to the kitchen to make a pot of tea. Denise was drying some dishes when I came in. "So, did you two have fun last night", she said with raised eyebrows. I just blushed and thanked her again for such a memorable night. "You looked so adorable in my wedding gown. I felt I just had to do that for you since you were so instrumental in helping me select it. Getting Danny involved was an after thought". I laughed and said, "please have more after thoughts". She went on to tell me that she felt so sorry for me on her wedding day. She really wanted me as her maid of honor but for obvious reasons that could not be. "You looked so miserable sitting there in your suit and tie", she giggled. I giggled too remembering wearing that horrid thing. It was the last time I had worn it and I vowed never to wear it again. I was so envious of all the women in their gowns and slinky cocktail dresses, high heels and perfectly made up faces. I shrugged off those thoughts and soon the conversation centered on Denise's impending motherhood. As we were chatting Mom came in. I poured her a cup of tea and she joined in the conversation. "It's so nice having both my girls together again under the same roof", she said. Denise and I both agreed. Mom planned on taking Denise home later that afternoon and staying until the end of the weekend. I told her that was fine as I would probably spend the night at Laura's apartment. We both planned to do a bit of early shopping that Sunday.

After they left I busied myself with housework. Danny called about 3 that afternoon. It was a very hectic day for him. If you remember he worked at a large appliance chain at the time. "I really miss being with my wife", he whispered into the phone. "Oh, honey, I miss you too. We need to get together at some point before the end of the weekend or I'll go out of my mind". We decided to get together early Sunday evening and continue our "wedding night" activities. I realized I had no idea how cold it was outside so I flipped on the TV to find out. It was going to dip down below freezing so I would have to dress accordingly. I filled the tub dumping in a handful of Chanel bath gel. I had time for a nice long soak. As I was shaving my legs I was humming that song from "Funny Girl", you know, "Sadie, Sadie married lady...". I couldn't stop giggling. I decided to wear my chocolate brown sweater dress and a pair of brown leather boots with a bit of a heel. I packed an overnight bag with makeup, nighty, deodorant, douche and my pink princess toothbrush. I grabbed some leftovers and headed to Laura's place.

Laura was wrapped in a pretty silk kimono when she answered the door. Her blond tresses were pinned to the top of her head. I suddenly felt overdressed so I went in to the bedroom and quickly donned my nighty and borrowed a similar wrap for myself. As Laura and I ate we chatted about Monica. (It's so much fun talking about the girl who is not there!) She told me that she had mentioned this guy, Stephan, a couple of times. In fact she reminded me that we had met him briefly at the Halloween party, or "The Night Of The Living Hookers" as we had come to know it. After a while I remembered him. "I thought he was gay.", I told her. Laura thought so too. "I suspect that our Monica is on to her next project", Laura said. "You mean...."?, I said pointing back and forth between the two of us. Laura just nodded and smiled. "Does it surprise you? I was her first project although I was more than willing to participate. You, on the other hand, were already there. She just sort of brought you out, so to speak. It's obvious that she really gets off on femming boys up". "Well", I replied, "every girl needs a hobby"! We both giggled over that. Laura added that she would not be at all surprised if our little girls club expanded soon. We decided to cuddle up and watch a movie with a bottle of wine. I was tickled to find that Laura owned a copy of "Funny Girl" so we lit a fire and settled in. As we were watching I filled Laura in on last night's activities. She was green with envy when I told her about wearing, if only briefly, Denise's gorgeous wedding gown and on the surprises I encountered after that. "Well, I just have to kiss the bride, now don't I"? Our girly foreplay made us totally forget the movie. With stiff clitties we sissied onto the floor in front of the warm fire. Like a precision drilling team we were in a 69 position in a heartbeat savoring each others flowers. There is nothing sweeter in the world to me than Danny's hot hunk of man meat but Laura's clitty is an always welcome visitor to my mouth. We cuddled and caressed for a while until we both enjoyed a very nice cum. Sipping our wine and basking in the afterglow we reflected on our sex lives. Mine has certainly shot off the charts since Labor day weekend. Laura, who was in between boyfriends at the time told me of a recent addition to her toy collection. She called it her shower buddy. It was a very realistic replica of a cock with a suction cup that attaches to the shower wall. All you need to do is lean back and enjoy! "Well, I'm feeling a little sweaty right now", I slyly suggested. With a wink and a quick kiss she dragged me into her bathroom. We both stripped down and after getting the water nice and warm slipped into the shower. She quickly lubed up the buddy and attached it to the wall. "Watch!", she smiled. She bent back and I knew that the cock was entering her pussy by the look of lust on her pretty face. I dropped to my knees and licked at her clitty until it was stiff. Her moans sounded like a symphony to me as she fucked herself. I was doing my best to empty her pearls when she shuddered and blew a load all over my face. With her girl juice running down my face she grabbed my hands an brought me to my feet. Her tongue shot out and began licking her juice from my face and lips. "Your turn, Rita." As her new toy pushed past my rosebud I sighed thinking about my husband. As Laura's lips licked at nipped at my clit my mind was full of images of Danny fucking me in the shower that first time. I came hard all over Laura's face and tits. I spent a good deal of time licking her nipples and face drinking in my own sweet nectar. I decided to get my very own shower buddy for those lonely weekday nights. After drying off and slipping into our nighties we logged on to her laptop and I ordered one. We decided to finish the movie and the wine and crawl into bed. As we were drifting towards dreamland Lura reminded me of her promise to treat me at the nail salon during the winter break.Wrapped in each other's arms I promised I would make it up to her.

The next morning after a light breakfast (we both decided that the holiday meals were taking their toll and a diet was called for) we dressed for a day of Christmas shopping. My outfit from the night before suited me just fine. Laura wore a chic pleated red skirt with a gorgeous white satin blouse. As I sat to do my makeup and hair she phoned Monica telling her where to meet us. With our purses packed with all the necessities we headed out to the mall. At 11 AM we found Monica sitting in the food court sipping her coffee. After bringing her up to date (she loved the idea of me in a wedding dress) we hit the stores. A found a beautiful Kashmir scarf for Danny and pearl earrings for my Mom. Eventually, as all girls simply must do, we found ourselves in the shoe store. Laura purchased a lovely pair of suede boots in a dark olive green. I was just window shopping but I noted a stunning pair of black patent sandals with rhinestones along the straps. I made a note to myself to find an outfit for New Year's Eve that would include those shoes! I noticed Monica making a purchase of a pair black 4 inch pumps. I also noticed that they were two sizes to big for her. When I pointed that out to her she just smiled and told me not to ask any questions "this time of year." Laura overheard and just gave me a sly smile and a wink.

As we rested up at the food court over our salads we pressed Monica for details on her new "boy friend". "I think he has some real potential", she said. "Meaning?", Laura pressed her. "Soon.", was all she replied. We left it at that. After a few more hours of shopping we decided to call it a day. I wanted to get back home and glam it up a bit for Danny.

As I sat at my vanity applying my lipstick I thought how weird it was that I had to go back to school the next day in, what could laughingly be called at this point, boy-mode! Here I sat making myself up pretty for my husband when tomorrow I would be studying for a math quiz! School couldn't end too quickly to suit me. Not that I didn't like school. It's just that upon graduation I decided no more double life. I was going 24/7 as the woman I am. I would have to consult with the girls and that included my Mom and my doctor, Janet. More hormones or should I just bite the bullet and get implants. One way or another I was determined to fill out a bikini next summer. There was still some champagne left over from the night before so I poured out two glasses and set them in the fridge. When Danny arrived he looked just so exhausted so I brought him up to bed had him strip and massaged his aching muscles. Begining at his shoulders I worked down his back and released the tension I felt there. I kept up a banter on how much I missed him and loved him and how much I loved his muscular body. I told him to flip over and to my surprise he was sporting quite a boner! I ripped off my panties and still in my nighty impaled myself on him. I inched ever so slowly down his shaft feeling the walls of my pussy grip him like a vise. I glanced over at the clock. 7:30. I was determined to have him in me for at least an hour. I knew we both needed the rest and it was a school day tomorrow but what kind of wife would I be if I didn't offer my husband the best sex he could get? We just about made it when at about 8:20 I felt his hot juices flooding my tender pussy. I leaned forward kissing him while I enjoyed the feeling of being freshly fucked. As his cum began to dribble out I dashed to the bathroom and slipped in a fresh tampon. Bringing a warm washcloth I dutifully cleaned him off. I really wanted to lick him clean but that would have led to the inevitable and we really needed an early night. I knew he was up to it but I sent him packing anyway. If anything I needed my beauty sleep. I had made some important decisions about the direction I wanted my life to take but I knew there would be plenty more.