What Am I Being Sorry For?!

I returned to the daily routine of school and work. Almost half way through my senior year of high school I had come to the decision that upon graduation I would live full time as a woman. In order to do this successfully I'd have to bring my guidance councilor into the loop, so to speak. Miss Evans had been my councilor since freshman year and was always very sweet to me. We had already had a discussion on what my plans were for after graduation and she was fully supportive as she had a younger sister who had just completed her training at the Culinary Institute of America, the CIA for short. I was given information on that school plus several others in New York City and Philadelphia. I made an appointment to meet with her the second day back in school. As my last period class neared it's end I was full of nervous energy. How was I going to approach this? I decided that I'd be direct. After all, I already had the full support of my family. As I walked to her office I observed the other students heading home or to after school jobs. I wondered what they're lives were like and what was really "normal." Since my blossoming womanhood, which certainly accelerated this year, I'd pretty much kept low key around school. I tried to just be "me" but being "me" was taking a slightly, if not delightful, turn towards the feminine. It didn't matter to me if I had lots of friends among them. I had friends. And a lover. In a way I felt sorry for them. Oh, well!

When Miss Evans asked me what was on my mind I just sat quiet for a second. "It's about culinary school, Miss Evans", I stated. "Have you come to a decision on which school you'd like to apply for?", she asked. "Not yet but it's more about the way I'd be attending.", I answered. "Miss Evans,.....I'm...uh...trans...transgendered and after I leave this school I intend to live full time as a girl." I didn't give her time to react but just continued. "I have the full support of my family and friends and I know this is a decision I have to make". There, I said it. I layed it all out. She sat silently for a few second just staring at me. I heard a short sigh and then she said, "Are you seeing a doctor?" I told her that, yes, I was and that I was on an estrogen regiment. "If you notice I always wear loose fitting tops to school because my breasts are already developing." She just nodded. Apparently she was only interested in the fact I was transgendered and not my "personal" growth. She was, after all, a professional. She assured me that all this would be taken into consideration and she would help me with all the application processes. "I would like a note from you mother and doctor confirming this information for my files. Will that be a problem"? I assured her it would not be. She again looked me over and smiled. "This was a pretty boring day up until now", she laughed. I laughed too and said the same went for me as well. "What should I call you now?", she asked. "My name is Rita and has been for as long as I can remember.", I replied. Okay, uh..Rita...you've always been a great student and that is always my main concern so I respect your choice and will help you as I always would have regardless." I thanked her and got up to leave. "One more thing", she said. She opened up a drawer in her desk and handed me a pamphlet. I looked at the title. "Transgender Rights". She explained that this was merely an overview and I'd be best served finding and reading the entire book. I thanked her again and assured her I certainly would do just that. "Oh, and Rita, don't forget those notes"! I smiled at her and left. Whewww...another weight lifted from my shoulders!

I had and hour before reporting to work at the library. I was excited because Monica was working that night. I wanted to pump her for information on the mystery boy she'd been seeing.

I went home and had a quick cup of tea with Mom then went up to my room to change. I stripped off my school clothes and stood in front of my mirror. I was thinking about my breasts since I left Miss Evans office. They really were getting harder to hide. I hated the thought that I even had to hide them. "Not for much longer", I thought. I looked around at my bedroom. It was femininely appointed. It used to be Denise's room but she gave it to me when she moved out. My old room is now a guest room. I hardly ever enter it. Just to dust and vacuum. I looked at my bed. "My husband and I make love on that bed", I again thought. I came to a decision. I opened up my lingerie drawer and removed a pair of bright red boy cut panties and a matching bra with underwire support and some extra padding. After putting these on I selected a cowl neck sweater in a cranberry shade. It was a long cut sweater and as I adjusted it I thought it would look cute as a short dress. I slipped on a pair of black slacks and slipped my feet into a pair of women's loafers with a slight heel. I found a belt to compliment my thin waist. I pulled my hair back and secured it with a scrunchy to match my sweater. I changed my ear studs for a pair of hoops with a single pearl on them. I applied a light layer of foundation and some subtle blush. Some light beige eyeshadow and a gentle mascara application followed giving my eyes a wide open expression. I glossed my lips in a rose color and spritzed on some L'Air Du Temps. I gazed at my reflection and was quite happy with the results. Young attractive woman on her way to work. My breasts were prominent! I knew I was taking a big risk but once I got the ball rolling there was no turning back. There were certain aspects of my life I thought I could change to suit me and my job at the library was one of them. For the past two months or so Monica and I always wound up in the ladies room at closing to fem me up a bit. Well, I decided that tonight there would be no need for that. I packed a purse with all the essentials and headed off.

When I got there I clocked in and went to the circulation desk. There were a pile of new titles waiting to be to be entered in the database so I just dug in. As I was typing I wished I still had on the nail extensions from a few nights ago. (My wedding night!) I heard someone behind me say "Excuse me Miss, can I help you with something?" I turned to see Andrea, one of the assistant librarians, with a puzzled look on her face. No, Andrea, it's just me", I said, giving her my "boys" name. "Why are you dressed like that, are you wearing makeup"? "Oh", I replied, "did I overdo it"? She just stared at me and said that we needed to talk in her office. I grabbed my purse and followed her. Just then I saw Monica come in. When she saw me her eyes got as big as saucers. I smiled and gave her a girly wave as I entered Andrea's office. Andrea looked at me sternly and asked me what was going on. I explained all about my transition and my support system both at home and now in school as well. "You could have warned me, you know!", she said. She was right. I was on such a pink cloud when I left school that it was like I was on automatic pilot. "I'm really sorry, should I leave?", I asked. She thought for a minute and said I could finish out my shift but that she had to check wit the head librarian in the morning about procedure. I thanked her and again apologized. As I was leaving she asked me where I got my sweater. "Saks", I told her.

When I returned Monica had taken over where I left off. "Well, well, well, somebody took an overdose of estrogen tonight, didn't they?", she said not looking up at me. I put my hands on her shoulders and bent down to whisper in her ear. "You like?" "I love , honey!", she giggled. We finished out the shift. I occasionally got curious glances from Andrea. Before she left she took me aside. "Listen, I personally think you look terrific and I don't have a problem with this. I just don't know what others will think. The library board will have to let me know what to do, what the legalities are and such." I apologized for putting her in an awkward position and that I would abide by any decision they made. Later as Monica and I were fixing our faces in the ladies room I relayed what had happened that day with my councilor and at work. "Do you think I'll be let go?", I asked. "Maybe", she said,"but lots of places are looking for help this time of year. And if they fire you I'm gone too." I hugged her and softly kissed her lips. "Where would I be with out you, Monica"? "Not in the ladies room fixing your lipstick that's for sure, sweetie"!

As I drove her home I pressed her for information about Stephan, her new boyfriend. "I wouldn't exactly call him a boyfriend he's more like a..." "A project"., I finished for her. She gave me one of her patented sly smiles. "You make it sound so clinical.", she laughed. "Then Laura and I were right, you are feminizing him, aren't you"? Giving me a rather stern look she said, "Look, I don't pass any judgement on you two sissies, do I?" After a brief silence I told her I was sorry for upsetting her. She looked at me and smiled. "How many times did you tell someone you were sorry today, Rita?" I thought about it. "A lot , I guess." "Why?", she pressed me. "I don't know, I guess I felt I needed to." She continued. "People only need to say they are sorry if they did something wrong. What did you do wrong, besides coming to work dressed like a model out of Teen Cosmo?", she said. She was right, of course. Why was I the one always saying "sorry". All my life I've tried to bring people pleasure and happiness with my personality, my cooking skills and, yes, even my body. What do I really have to be sorry for? I have a loving family, great friends and a wonderful man who loves me. They all have accepted me unconditionally. I'm blessed with good health, a good brain and a giving personality. It was never a choice for me not to grow up feminine. I was given a hand to play and I'm playing it to the best of my ability. "You're right.", I told her, I should be thankful for what I have. I think my body and mind are still adjusting to the new hormones. I get emotional sometimes and don't think correctly. Like tonight, dressing like this. I was just on such a girlish high after school. I'm sorry..." Monica cut me off. "No!", she said, wagging her finger at me. I just smiled and blushed.

We continued our discussion about Stephan. Monica had met him in an art class and they became friendly. "He's a sweet guy but he has some identity issues and he confided in me". I understood that all to well. Monica was easy to confide in. "We would meet once in a while for a drink and talk. He seemed to have a feminine streak in him like the one I saw in you, Rita. Only not as pronounced. Well, one night we found ourselves in bed together and during foreplay I asked him to wear my panties. He never said a word, he just put them on. Well without going into too much detail one thing led to another. He agreed to almost everything I asked him to do. He has no body hair below the eyebrows at this point. We've gone shopping and I've picked him out some really lovely things. Remember the shoe store last Sunday?" I nodded. "Well, those heels were for Stephanie." Stephanie! That's too perfect! I knew it!", I giggled. "When do we meet her?", I asked. Monica sat silently and said, "Maybe soon. There are some other things to work out. Certain fantasy scenarios". I got the feeling I needed to back off a bit so I just said okay. Again I asked her if she thought I'd be let go from the library. "I don't see why, you didn't kill anybody and besides you look so damn cute tonight!", she laughed. "Why do you think I was running to the ladies room every ten minutes tonight?", she asked. I just shrugged my shoulders. My panties were soaked I was so turned on by you being so girly and bold!", she said. "Wow", I thought, she really gets off on this stuff"! She pulled me into an embrace and we made out hot and heavy for a bit. "She's such a feminine force, this woman", I thought. "Like the tide, you just can't resist." After we had composed ourselves a bit she told me not to worry about a job. "My father has interests in several restaurants in the area. We can always get a waitress gig if we need one. The money's better too"! I looked at her dumbstruck. "Waitress", I gasped. "Sure I've done it before. So has Laura"."Really"? The idea of restaurant work intrigued me to no end. Maybe if I wasn't let go I'd leave anyway. It would solve two problems right off the bat. I would be able to work in total female mode and be exposed to life in a busy restaurant! I made another quick decision. "Let's just do it. You and me", I said. "Really, you want to"? "No doubt in my mind, let's not even think about it let's just do it"! "Okay, done. I'll ask my father."

I drove home on another pink cloud. My mind was awash with ideas. From this time forward I was a "boy" (what a laugh!) only during school hours. Upon graduation this "boy" would disappear with a good cover story. The army? Maybe. I'd have to convince my Mom that it would be in our best interests if her "niece" Rita moved in to attend culinary school in Manhattan. I would alter my appearance so no one would be the wiser. The thought of being a summer blonde suddenly seemed a real reality if not a necessity. I would have to make this work. I spoke to Danny later that night before bed and filled him in. He had his doubts but seemed excited by the prospects. We'd be able to openly date. I told him to leave everything to me. After professing my undying love we hung up. I was too excited to sleep. I drew a nice hot bath and poured myself a small brandy. Soaking in the tube I lit a much needed Virgina Slim and ran through all my thoughts. I noted my breasts bobbing on top of the water. The image of a stacked blonde in a skimpy bikini came into my mind. I finished my cigarette and with the thought of Danny fucking that blonde I brought myself to a mind blowing orgasm. After powdering and douching I slipped into my favorite black lacy babydoll and, thinking about a cute waitress uniform, drifted off to a peaceful sleep.