Monday, January 12, 2009

All Grown Up And Nowhere To Go!

Having more time to myself allowed me to experiment a bit. I spent a great deal of time coming up with a look that would make me look a bit older and sexier. I would spend hours on the internet looking at a vast array of t-girl sites. When I found the story sites I devoured them. The stories stimulated me with feelings I never had before. While I reveled in my girlishness my body was responding in a very boyish manner. I was hard almost all the time. One night as I was putting the finishing touches to my makeup I had my first real orgasm. Without even touching my clitty it just exploded in my panties! Oh, how delightfully sexy I felt. It was the most intense feeling I ever had. I just had to do this more often. Reading all those sexy stories were putting fantasy scenarios in my pretty little head.

I would imagine myself in the sexiest of lingerie and the highest heels and the most gorgeous gowns. My face made up to perfection and my hair styled in a sweeping up do. I pictured myself with a big pair of breasts with hard nipples. Boys would lust for me. I wanted it all and I was determined to have it. I would lay in bed and rub my clitty through my silky panties and dream of being with a boy. At this point I had been on the pill for several months. Although nothing major was happening, my nipples were getting kind of tender. I used this to my advantage. I would play with them dreaming that someday someone else would be playing with them. Oh, I was one horny little t-girl!

I kept this all to myself though. I didn't even share these feelings with Denise. They were exciting but also frightening as well. What was happening to me. I needed answers and I knew I wasn't going to find them at the library. I relied heavily on the internet. I had to force myself to look for sites that were, how should I say, more on the practical side and steer clear of the "chix-with dicks" stuff. Was I gay now as well? I determined I couldn't be gay if I considered myself to be a girl. And I was a girl. Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay in the first place. I just didn't feel I fit in to that category. I learned a great deal on how to view my body in conjunction with how I felt. I did have breasts, or certainly the opportunity to make them grow if I wanted. I did have a pussy that could be penetrated when the time was right. And I had a mouth that could also be penetrated when the time was right. I could fully function sexually as a girl. I just wasn't ready....yet.

I made lists of things I wanted to further me along the road to womanhood. I poured over women's magazines learning fashion styles and grooming tips. I was a very apt pupil of anything and everything feminine. I became intrigued with idea of wearing false eyelashes. I wanted the fullest lash length I could get. This was actually my first solo girly purchase. I went to another part of town were I wouldn't be recognized and found a pair of lashes I thought would look great. Nervous as hell I made the purchase. The girl behind the counter didn't even look up at me. That was a relief. I cursed myself for not buying more things! I raced right home and tried, emphasis on tried, to put them on. Denise was home at the time so I wanted to surprise her. They were tough to get on but I got them on to the best of my ability. I came up to her and batting my new lashes said, "what do you think"? She just laughed a bit and told me not to be in any hurry to grow up. If only she knew what her little sister was up to!
When I wasn't fantasising about being Miss America or being a cum queen I was holding up my end of the bargain with Mom. I kept my grades up, and took on more domestic responsibility. I did most of the laundry, changed sheets (especially mine!), and did allot of the cooking. I adored being in the kitchen and chopping away. I realized that I loved to cook and I was getting pretty good at it. Domestic bliss. I was a good student during the day, come home and change into something more gender appropriate, do my homework and cook a nice meal. Mom would leave for work and some nights Denise would be out with her boyfriend. Boyfriend...sigh! I would take a nice hot bubble bath and think my little girly thoughts. Afterwards all snugly in my babydoll I would surf the web, read a sexy story or maybe enter a chat room.
Chat rooms were fun. I had a chance to communicate with other girls like me and I learned a great deal. I pretended I was 18 and just starting out on my road to womanhood. Little did they know that I was a long way down that road already! I was 16 at that time and my daily little pink (pill) friend was showing a bit of results. My breasts were getting a little puffier, not by much, but my nipples would stiffen very easily. I chatted mainly with a t-girl named Jessica who said she was in her 30's and had been dressing since her teen years. She claimed to be the proud owner of a pair of 36C cup breasts. I asked how she got them and she said she'd been on estrogen since age 19. I doubted it but kept that to myself. She was very nice. She asked if I had a boyfriend and to sound "worth" I said yes. She asked his name and the first name that came to mind was my friend Danny. So, in the chat rooms, I had a boyfriend named Danny.
Danny and I were still close friends and would hang together on the weekends. He was everything I wasn't. He was filling out nicely. Hunky would be the correct term. His dad was a big guy and it looked like a classic case of like-father-like son. I, on the other hand was just under 5' 5" and slim. More like svelte! I was still keeping my hair on the longish side as well as my finger nails. He knew something was up with me but never pressed the issue. I would fantasise, usually in bed, that he really was my boyfriend. His became the permanent face on my fantasy lover. I dreamed of him coming to my room in the deep of the night and making love to me. In my mind he had an 8 inch cock that I would drool over. (Those stories were having there affect!!) I know had a new obsession to add to my list, (lipstick, high heels, false eyelashes, breasts) I wanted very much to suck a cock and not just any cock, it had to be Danny's cock!

1 comment:

  1. Hey,
    I just started reading your story and I have to say, it is really chaining.
    I am a little transexuel myself, though the wish to be a girl was never strong enough to overpower my sense for the posssible complications that might appear with a coming out or even a transition.

    I adore your boldness.